Author Archives: lidiaAbrams@123

High Expectations Around The Holidays

Holidays are a time for enjoyment but also a stressful time for many. Our counselors often see increased stress, anxiety and depression around the holidays. There is the stress that results from all the positive activities involved – buying gifts, preparing to entertain. You might call this “good stress.” Happy stress. There is no sadness about it. Yet running around trying to take care of everything, sometimes we just forget to breathe. Of course we can’t help but breathe a little, but that shallow breathing doesn’t allow enough oxygen in and can often lead to anxiety. So take a deep breath, take another few. Think about how lucky you are to live safely in this affluent country of ours, with a warm house and warm clothes, flatscreen tv’s and smart phones, so many things you don’t absolutely need, and yet more money left to spend on gifts. Think about how lucky you are to have family and friends to cook and buy gifts for. Take your time, do your best and no more.

If you are not enjoying most of your holiday-related activities, it means that you are thinking about it all wrong. Approach the holidays with calm, positivity and self-acceptance.

Winter weather can bring on seasonal affective disorder and depressive, negative thoughts. Be careful not to judge yourself too harshly, not to set unreasonable expectations for yourself. Do what you reasonably can, no more. And take care of yourself, take a yoga class or exercise. Too much drinking or eating will disrupt your healthy mental outlook.

Along with self-acceptance, you’ll do well to approach those around you – family members, friends and co-workers – with acceptance and understanding. We are all imperfect human beings, all works in progress. Forgive those around you for their imperfections, and your new attitude may give them a chance to improve. Even if they don’t, know that you don’t need people to be as you would like them to be. It would be nice, but you can be okay even so. Take a deep breath and enjoy what you have.
There is sadness around the holidays, for those who feel lonely, disconnected. Maybe far away from home, maybe having lost a loved one. We have all been there at some point. Expectations are higher around the holidays. Some view their social situation around the holidays as a test of how adequate a person they are, how adequate their life is. Not having a holiday celebration to go to, not having a loved one, makes us feel that we are not okay, not acceptable. This is of course never true, as no one is unacceptable. Circumstances don’t determine one’s worth. On the other hand, finding ourselves lonely at the holidays may be a sign that it’s time to reach out more. There is always a way to improve things, even if it may take some time.

If you are lucky to be dealing with the positive stresses of the holiday season, keep your eyes open for those around you who might need some help getting into the holiday spirit. Very few people alone at this time would truly choose their solitude. So reach out, include if you can. Resolve is here to help sort through the difficulties and guide towards happier days.

Invitation to Post

I would like to encourage Everyone to use this blog. Community members, our counselors, past and current, as well as our school-based colleagues, please leave comments about the challenges our community faces, suggestions for coping with different mental health, substance-related, relationship-related issues. Find useful information in your readings, continuing education workshops? Post it here, share it and open it up for conversation!

Resolve to Have Fundraiser Dinner October 27, 2014

Resolve October Fundraising Dinner at The Netherwood Bar & Grill
1370 South Avenue, Plainfield, NJ 07062   908-753-4500

Make reservations and identify yourself as a Friend of Resolve….See More
Restaurants Union County – Netherwood Bar & Grill’s- Union County Restaurants

The Netherwood Bar & Grill’s menu options make us one of the most popular restaurants in Union County NJ. Our menu will satisfy even the most critical diner…

Working with Children At Resolve

Resolve Comarticle-2544745-1AE8B36600000578-554_154x115munity Counseling in working with children strives to utilize evidence based treatments.  That is the type of psychotherapy chosen to aid a particular child is that which is most appropriate for his or her problem and one that is based on the latest based research.  For example, very often girls with eating disorders will have elements of a borderline personality.  The most effective treatment for this is Dialectical Behavior Therapy.  If that is indicated to be appropriate for this child, psychotherapists will skills in that protocol will bechosen.  We are not satisfied with merely helping children feel better but determining the underlying problems in their personality, personal view of life, attitudes, and behaviors that need to be fundamentally changed to guide them to a better life.

Theoretical Foundations of CBT and REBT in Psychotherapy

The evidence in psychotherapy now supports a de-emphasis of early childhood explorations. While REBT and CBT accepts the fact that neurotic states are sometimes originally learned or aggravated by early teaching or irrational beliefs by one’s family and by society, it holds that these early-acquired irrationalities are not automatically sustained over the years by themselves.Instead, they are very actively and creatively re-instilled by the individuals themselves. In many cases the therapist spends very little time on the clients’ parents or family upbringing; and yet helps them to bring about significant changes in their disturbed patterns of living. The therapist demonstrates that no matter what the clients’ basic irrational philosophy of life, nor when and how they acquired it, they are presently disturbed because they still believe this self-defeating world- and self-view. If they will observe exactly what they are irrationally thinking in the present, and will challenge and question these self-statements they will usually improve significantly.